A LETTER TO A SPEC

What are the weird items on your list on the qualities of a lady/guy you would like to date and maybe marry? I mean the dreamy kind of weirds.

Well, I will go first.
A tall dark guy that is highly intellectual enough to hold meaningful conversations on any subject. He should have a chain of businesses, yunno the CEO/Founder and Tech bro thing going on with or without beards. He should be able to be at home with his family (house husband) and travel abroad twice in a month for business, of course. He should speak three international languages with Yoruba and Hausa. For instance, he should be able to say “Baby na, zomana” ( “My baby, come”) in Hausa. His English should be fluent with a sprinkle of Hausa in it, not the “Party” as “Farty” specie, whose grammar is always ruined by the “F” factor. A devoted believer that is the life of the party.

This is not all but how cheesy can you be, Gbemisola?

Do you realize you have to mold this son of man? Most times we get into a relationship with so much expectations that often leads to disappointment and heartbreaks. At times, these expectations are so much that we don’t envision ourselves in a relationship until the perfect guy in our list comes: The Spec of all Specs.

Benjamin Franklin said, and I quote, “If you would be loved, love and be lovable.” In other words, if you would get a spec, be a spec and be speccable (yeah, new word). Hallelujah!

How are you working towards being the best version of yourself? How are you developing yourself to be that desirable partner that complements her guy? What are you doing towards being the best version of woman?

It is not enough to have standards and not live up to the standard you have set. When you are in a relationship, you and your partner are in together to help each other, working together to achieve collective goals. As a lady ready to start a relationship aimed towards marriage, what is your financial status? How do you aim to help your spouse? Do you plan to be totally dependent on him? No, it shouldn’t be. Gone are the days, where women just sit at home waiting for their husbands to get back from work so they can buy matches, or any little thing they need. The world is evolving and you need to evolve with it. There are responsibilities in relationship, and you should be committed to fulfill them. Your spouse does not deserve to be under all the pressure and does not deserve to be frustrated just because all his burden and yours are on him. Help each other!

Money asides, what is your relationship with God like? It is nice that you have gotten your “Perfect spec” and you go to church on Sundays. Are you that spouse that can call on to God for your relationship to work? Not all days are rosy, especially in a relationship. Can you pray for your partner? For yourself? Are you that partner who gives her spouse the assurance that mountains can be moved with the power of your words and connection to God?

Dear Speccable specculus, are you doing things that makes you happy? Being in a relationship does not stop you from growing. Engage yourself actively, learn new skills, travel, study that course that has been on your mind for ages, exercise and try new recipes. Be creative. Give yourself the opportunity to grow, in bliss and tranquility.

While at it, do not go into a relationship to change the leopard’s spot. Once you are not comfortable with behaviors or attitudes from your partner, do not continue with the expectation that marrying him will change him. This normally end in tears; premium tears. You do not deserve to be choked up by the demands of your partner. You deserve to be loved, deeply. Your relationship should be your safe space.

As humans, we are selfish beings. We always put ourselves first. Anthony Robbins said,
“Some of the biggest challenges in a relationship comes from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something; they are trying to find someone who is going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is you if see your relationship as a place to give, and not a place that you go to take.”

From Gbemisola,
With Love & Light.

To You,
A Spec.